I know six languages. I was born and raised in Bangladesh. Bangla is my mother tongue. My mother taught me Bangla bornomala and English alphabets together. English was a mandatory subject in school. I started learning Arabic for religious reasons but it was also a mandatory subject from grade 6 to  grade 8. Although I did not understand the meaning, I could read the Quran (The Holy book of Islam) which is in Arabic. I finished reading the Quran twice by grade 4. I was good at reading the Quran. I also learned how to write in Arabic and I was good at it as well. 

I don’t exactly remember the year but I was an undergrad student at Dhaka University in Bangladesh. The Institute of Modern Languages (https://www.du.ac.bd/publication/IML) at Dhaka University organized a four day Spanish film festival. I did not miss a single day! I fell in love with the Spanish language. I took an admission test and I passed it successfully. I learned beginner Spanish for a year. It was one of the best language classes. 

After my undergrad, I moved to South Korea to pursue my masters. My South Korean university did not make it mandatory for me to learn Korean like my ex partner’s university. However, I had to take a mandatory basic Korean test to pass my Masters. My ex partner helped me to learn basic Korean, Korean alphabets, and reading. It took me two days to learn alphabets and a few more days to learn reading. I also went to a couple of church classes to learn Korean but the teacher used Korean as a medium of instruction. So, it was difficult for me to understand the class. Therefore, I stopped going to the church class and focused on daily communication. I soon learned three ways to say “hello” 안녕하세요,  안녕, and  안녕하십니까. 

Bollywood movies and Hindi TV shows are very popular in Bangladesh. People learn Hindi and Urdu by watching Bollywood movies and Hindi TV shows (Ahmad, Johora and Alif, 2024). I am not an exception. I often watch Bollywood movies without subtitles and I understand them without any difficulties. I have to share my dilemma here. Although I understand Hindi and a little bit of Urdu, I used to hide it from Indian and Pakistani people. They expect me to speak Hindi or Urdu or they make assumptions that I should be able to speak Hindi or Urdu. So, I used to lie when they asked me, do you speak Hindi or Urdu? I used to answer, no, I don’t. However, my attitude to language has changed. I know there are language users here who struggle with English. Now, I realize that it’s not everyone’s intention to force their language on me. Most of them are probably trying to find comfort in a common language. So, now I reply, you can speak in Hindi or Urdu with me. I will understand you. But I can’t speak it very well. 

I know six languages but still I am afraid of language. You are probably surprised. I speak two varieties of Bangla. Both are “non-standard” with not so standard accents. I always feel embarrassed when I have to say something in Bangla in front of an audience at a formal event. I become very careful and cannot be natural in my speech.There might be some pronunciation errors. I am a poet and short story writer. I write in both Bangla and English. Tonight, I was trying to recite one of my Bangla poems which I wanted to make a video. I noticed I made a few pronunciation mistakes and my reading was not good enough. As you can imagine, a similar thing happens when I am speaking in English. I mostly use English in my daily life since I live in Canada. English is not my first language. First, I don’t have native -like proficiency and second, I don’t have native -like accent. I cannot say I have a hundred percent confidence when I speak in English. I always have a fear of judgment. I always have a fear of whether people will understand me. I always have a fear of communication breaking down because of me. 

I had an opportunity to visit Mexico twice but I was too afraid to practise my Spanish. I was invited to Colegio Latino Cardenas as a guest in summer, 2024. I had many opportunities to relearn Spanish. I tried my best. Some vocabulary came back. I could read the street signs. Although I did not understand the meaning of the conversation, I understood the pronunciation. I was never alone on my trip. The school principal or school teachers were always with me. They know so much of local history. Everything has a background story. If you can remember the story, you can remember the word. Students tried to teach me some slangs, Queonda (hey, what’s up dude?),  Chido (cool).  One student wanted me to read a page in Spanish. Luckily, I was able to read the page in Spanish. The student was very surprised and happy. I picked up some funny phrases too, for example, tuve suficientes cuernos. Now I know the difference between agua (water) and aguas (watch out).  The most important lesson I learned from my trip is from one of the teachers. She said the most important thing that people can offer you is their story. This is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. 

I think I am also slowly losing language. The other day one of my students was doing class activity. She asked the class to translate class objects in different languages. I could not translate any single object into Bangla. Not a single Bangla word came to my mind. I was horrified. I almost forgot how to read the Quran and how to write Arabic. I am still in touch with the Korean language through Korean movies and K-drama. Although I watch them with the subtitles, it still soothes my ears with familiarity. The same goes to Hindi and Urdu. The Bollywood movies are a big language source for me for these two languages. 

References

Ahmad, S., Johora, F., & Alif, A. A. T. (2024). Crossing the boundaries of languages: Code-switching and code-mixing tendencies in the young generation in Bangladesh. Canadian Journal of Language and Literature Studies, 4(2), 10-31.