I just want to cry all the time

that’s what she said 

I watched ‘96 the other day

it reminded me of you

I forgot how old I am

I just wanted to hold you and cry

I want to tell you

what hurts

my heart

it’s not butterfly

but wave of fear

in my stomach

should I jump

or not

I make a hole 

into my heart 

with a burning cigarette

I burn my flesh

I’m in pain

but I can’t put it off

I want to sit with my sadness for a while

nothing will interrupt us 

no whisper will be in our back

I want to feel the feeling of unloved

am I allowed to feel the way I feel for you?

I’m not your lazy weekend tv show

that you can pause

I’m telling a story

not giving a math problem

stop solving it

she held my face

and that’s what she said