Sometimes I feel like I’m an unwelcome guest
The other evening I was invited to a supper
that I avoided for a long time
I was hesitant to accept the invitation
because I felt I was unwanted
The whole evening
I felt
I was taking too much space and time of my hosts
I rushed eating their food
I rushed the perfect small talks
I rushed entertaining my hosts
I grabbed my coat and boots
and I rushed to the door
Sometimes I try to think
what it is
about me
that makes me
unwelcome
and unwanted
what it is
about me
that there are so much
“No”
wherever I turn around my face
I sit at many tables
ignored and invisible
I remember a woman
she bought me lunch once
and ignored me for the rest of the afternoon
as if I don’t exist
next time
when our path crossed again
she was so annoyed
as if I was violating her space
There was a woman
I sat beside her many evenings
still
she doesn’t want to remember
my face
Sometimes I think
what it is about me
that makes me
So
Unwelcome
Unwanted
Ignored
Invisible
That I am not even a shadow or ghost
I simply
just
don’t exist
